Musical Beds

There is a reason we bought a Super King sized bed - the night visitors. Frequently, there are more than one, but even one child on her own takes up an inconceivably large amount of space for the size of person.

I knew it wasn’t going to be a wonderful night’s sleep when I totter through the front door at midnight, to be greeted at the top of the stairs by a moaning Rachel, eyes bleary, her white blonde hair Einstein- esque in appearance.

I had had a lovely evening, taking a rare opportunity to glam up for my friends’ black tie event in the 15 extra minutes I gained because Rachel had conked out asleep on the sofa at half past six. Consequently, that story and bedtime battle had been avoided and I got to paint my toenails instead.

It did strike me that the overall look of my heels, floaty dress, make up and co-ordinated accessories was rather ruined, as I pulled up at the Golf Club and stepped out the driver’s seat of my rather unglamorous people carrier.

It had been fabulous to feel a little bit un-Mumsy for a change but seconds home through the front door and I am back into Mum-mode.

Mark (just in bed after a late shift at work,) and I settled down for the night with Rachel, after a bit of fuss, nestled in between us. It wasn’t long before Mark had had enough of the squirmer, (the superking notwithstanding.) To be honest though, it doesn’t take that much, the sound of a thumb being sucked, a gentle snore, or in fact, even breathing, sends him fleeing for the sanctuary of the spare room, let alone a kicker.

Soon after his departure Emilia appears in the bed. I shoved over a bit and carried on sleeping. Then at 5.30 a.m I am awoken by someone’s ruddy car alarm! I go to the window and peer out to discover it is mine. I lie back down again knowing it will stop before I can get out to it. After listening to the wind for about ten minutes, I am guilted into hunting down my keys and creeping outside in my dressing gown to turn off the alarm function, in fear of a reoccurrence. No bleepy key fobs you can point and effect from a mile away in this house. I have to actually go and put the key in the driver’s door and turn it twice in succession to disable the alarm on our ageing car.

I return to my bed and try and get back to sleep. The two girls fidgeting soon drove me to clamber up into Emilia’s cabin bed in search of peace, and there I stayed until there were footsteps on the ladder and I was shaken awake in the still dark to be asked “Can we go down and watch TV now?”

This was a good night as it goes. There are times when I have to change beds three or more times in order to avoid the different children who follow me round the house to join me for a cuddle wherever I happen to lay my head. I have been known to curl up in the cot bed or resort to the sofa in my quest for a peaceful night.

Ben often used to come into our bed at night, forcing Mark to get into his empty bed, so as to get a better night’s sleep. One night, after kicking Mark out the marital bed, Ben, aged about 3, decides to return to his own bed after about 20 minutes or so. He snuggles in beside Mark, only to announce ‘You can go now!’